


Love of a Brother

by Truly_Morgan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Implied/Referenced Sex, Incest, Light Angst, M/M, Old Fanfic, Porn With Plot, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, skip to ch2 for the good stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Truly_Morgan/pseuds/Truly_Morgan
Summary: Gaara receives the visit of his brother late at night when he still has paperwork to do.
Relationships: Gaara/Kankurou (Naruto)
Kudos: 6





	1. 2012-13 original

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, this is like extra old shit for me. This is legit the first pieces of fanfic (or rather fan one-shot) I wrote for a ship (other than oc x [character]). It's old enough for me to have written this on fucking paper before I decided to put it on a doc, am impressed I never deleted it, guess it was good enough not to be nuked by my past stupid self.
> 
> This is from maybe 2012-2013? I just realised it has nearly been 10 years now, I feel old. This is from when I was a baby weeb and Naruto was THE manga/anime I loved the most (funnily enough I never finished it).
> 
> I tried keeping the writing as close to what it was in the original French text, but I might have worded some stuff better in English by accident.

I still have paperwork. Temari is probably still at school correcting exams and at this hour Kankuro is most likely sleeping. It is 23:30 after all. I suddenly hear the door to my office open, making me look up at who had just arrived. Oh, it's Kankuro.

“Lord Kazekage, can I come in?” he then asked.

“I told you to call me by my name” I sighed.

“Sorry Gaara, you still haven't finished?” he asked as he sat on the corner of the desk.

“Unfortunately no” I replied while looking up at him, “But I think I'll take a little break”.

“I can change your mind then”

He then got closer to me and lift me so I could sit on the desk behind me. He looks at me for a moment before putting his hand on my cheek. What does he want?

“Kan-Kankuro... what are you doing?” I asked, _Why am I stuttering?_ , I then wondered.

“I'm looking at your beautiful face,” he said with a small smile.

“Why?” I asked while turning my face who was starting to blush.

“Because I want you,” he said while turning me back to him.

I then closed my eyes. I don't understand anymore. I could feel his hand placing itself on my back. I then can feel his warm breath on my face. I open my eyes suddenly, he just placed his lips on mine. I want to push him away come to me, but I give up under the warmth and gentleness of the kiss. When I see him back away after a little moment I can see him still looking at me. I most likely have a blushed face. I can feel my heart beating heavily in my chest, but why?

Its all reminds me of those feeling I have for him since a while now. I don't especially like being reminded of them. After all, this all goes against what people could accept.

“I... I have paperwork to finish” I said while getting off the desk, trying to run away from the situation.

"I'm going to help you then," he said while sitting down on my chair.

He placed his hands on my hips to sit me on his laps. I feel ill-at-ease but we still work in this position.

Toward one in the morning we finally finished. I do need to admit without the help of my brother I wouldn't have finished yet.

When Kankuro removed the arm that was wrapped around my waist I got up to leave. It was bordering on me literally running from him. I was simply still embarrassed by the kiss of earlier. I was unable to understand why I had enjoyed it so much. I sigh when I got to the door of my room, steadying my breathing. I then started looking for my keys, but I couldn't find them in my pockets.

 _Did I leave them in the office?_ I then wondered.

"Is this what you a searching?" said the voice of my brother as he was lifted my keys with a smirk.

"Yes," I replied while trying to snatch the keys from his hand.

Kankuro put them in his own pocket. I then heard him challenging me of getting them myself, which I did. He then pinned me to the wall when I tried. I could again feel his lips come capture mine. Under the surprise I opened my mouth, he then took the opportunity to let his tongue search for mine. I ended up letting myself totally indulge in the kiss. I went to place a hand on his back and the other behind his neck.

This kiss did not last long, however, because footsteps not far away interrupted us. We then separated from each other, turning back to the source of the noise. It was Temari who seemed to be coming back from the academy.

"Oh, what are you two doing?" she asked.

“I was coming back to my room since I just finished my paperwork” I replied.

"Thanks to my help, otherwise you would still be there," remarked my brother.

“I am happy that my little brothers are helping each other so much” commented Temari.

And then she left just like she arrived earlier. Kankuro waited until she was further away to open my door. I entered after he waved me to go in, knowing he would follow me. I closed the door and then locked it. It was dark in the room and Kankuro seemed to have disappeared into the darkness. As the desire to turn on the light had not occurred to me, I let it close.

I then took off my jacket and shoes before heading to my bed. I could feel Kankuro push me gently into the bed. No sooner had I been lying on it that I could feel him straddling me. He was close enough to me that I could see he had removed all his clothes except his underwear.

So he leaned over me and kissed me, at the same time to remove my t-shirt. Once I got rid of my t-shirt, he started to kiss my neck and chest. It is after an eventful night, I fall asleep glued to his warm chest.

◼◾-◽◻

I am awakened by the rays of the sun coming through the open window. I straighten up to sit, my lower back hurting a bit, though I'm not that surprised. I could then notice several hickeys left on my chest by Kankuro. I'm sure he must have left some on my neck too. The sound of water flowing in the shower tells me that Kankuro is not gone yet.

I then take a look at the time. We have to leave for the council in 30 minutes. I sigh a little at the thought of having to go. To change my mind, I think back a bit to last night while waiting for him to come back. Our relationship will have to stay between us. After all, not everyone accepts such love between two brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck it feels really old to still have this. And am not sure whether or not I should laugh that the first-ever non-oc ship I wrote for was incest. This is really funny to me.
> 
> I feel like giving it a try to rewrite it, but this time with smut and better writing. I'd like to believe my writing as gotten better with time. This story most likely won't have any hit, but whatever, I'll do this in honour of my oldest fanfic.


	2. 2021 rewrite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: I haven't technically finished reading Naruto. around 2012-13 I spoiled myself massive chunks of stories to create oc related to canon characters, but never managed to finish reading it the right way (the website I used at the time to read in french wasn't working well and I was instead buying the paper version). So maybe some parts aren't fully canon-compliant (but who care, this is a ship that would never happen anyway).
> 
> Also damn, just the part before the smut was two times longer than the whole original.
> 
> And one last thing, y'all know what Gaara new era haircut looks like? Yeah, fuck that, I ain't writing that, let give him his cute original haircut instead (I swear I fucking hate it with a passion).

The redhead sighed as he took another look at the pile of paperwork that seemed to never go down. He had been at it all afternoon and still wasn't finished. Temari couldn't give him a hand, as she was probably finishing the mission she had been given a couple of days ago. And no need to try and find Kankuro for some help, he supposed that since it was now nearly midnight he was already back home.

He sighed again as he rubbed the back of his neck, not finding anyone else he could trust with this important paperwork. Multiple mission had been finished at the same time, hence all the reports he needed to look over, plus some problems caused in the village, some messages coming from allied villages and other various paperwork. He really had it all in the past two days. But soon he would be finished and back on a rather normal amount of paperwork.

He was taken out of his repetitive task when he heard the sound of the door opening, looking up to see who would come at such an hour of the day. He was a little surprised to see Kankuro standing behind the door, poking his head in to look at him.

"May I come in Lord Kazekage?" he then asked. The politeness and the formality of the request make Gaara uncomfortable, not liking it when his siblings were using such titles for him. It has already been six years since he took on the title, yet they would sometime still try acting all formal when he asked them not to, especially when they are between themselves.

“I already told you to use my name” he sighed softly, putting down his pen, trying to rub some fatigue off of his eyes. “Sorry, Gaara” he then heard coming from in front of him, his brother approaching the desk after closing the door behind him, “You still haven't finished your paperwork?” he asked.

"Unfortunately no" he replied, leaning back in his chair to look up at the man standing next to him, "But I think I will take a little break" he admitted, "My eyes are tired from reading all day". A smirk then drew itself on his brother's lips, making him arch a pale brow slightly. "Maybe I can help you take your mind off of those documents" he suggested.

Before Gaara could even ask what he was thinking about he felt his chair being spun around slightly. Hands quickly grabbed his waist and he was then lifted up on the desk, paper being pushed away haphazardly by accident. He looked at his brother with confusion, not understanding what he wanted to do, nor why his heart was beating this strongly in his chest as the brunet was so close to him. He felt a hand gently cupping his cheek, the thumb slowly rubbing his skin.

“K-Kankuro... what are you doing?” he asked, wondering why he had stuttered in such a way. He had been close to his brother in the past, yet this time there seem to be something... more to it.

“Simply looking at your beauty” he received, the man wearing a soft smile on his face. This made him blush, frowning slightly in confusion and embarrassment. “Why?” he managed to get out, turning his head to the side so he doesn't have to look at him. He really wasn't seeing what exactly was so beautiful about his face.

“Because I want you” he whispered near his ear, gently turning the Kazekage back towards him. Gaara didn't have the time to ask what he meant by it since lips were already capturing his, making sure he wouldn't ask more about it. His first thoughts were to push his brother away, not believing he was actually kissing him. Yet, when his hands reached his shirt, all they did was grab at it tightly. The warmth and the gentleness of the kiss had caught him, unable to really push away.

This kiss had brought back many feelings he had tried as hard as he could to repress in the past three years. This new type of love he had grown for his brother had confused him first, then he felt horribly bad. What was he doing? Falling in love with his brother? Of course, he needed to repress it, there was no way it would be alright and if Kankuro were to learn about it he would hate him and find him disgusting. He had managed for the most part to repress it, sometimes wavering in his try when Kankuro appeared more flirty and affectionate to him. But these were always jokes, right?

This had been something he was ashamed of and had tried to hide somewhere deep inside of himself.

Yet, at this very moment, all he could feel was these feeling coming back up with ten-time the force they did before, latching onto this kiss given _by_ Kankuro _to_ him. When he felt the lips moving away from his, he unconsciously chased after them, yet the hands on his cheeks kept him in place. He shouldn't be wanting this, yet he still wanted more of it.

He couldn't look the brunet in the eyes, looking down at his shirt instead, knowing he must have gone redder than before. He needed to stop this before it would get too far. He couldn't be indulging in such activities. Kankuro must have been messing around with him, that was it.

“I... I have paperwork to finish” he said in an attempt to stop them from falling down this dangerous ravine and run away from this scary situation. He got off the desk, his brother not stopping him, but not stepping very far away either.

"I will help you then," said Kankuro as he smoothly went to sit on the chair, arms open and inviting. Gaara didn't move from where he was at the desk, only to try and slide away. This was obviously not what the puppeteer wanted, so he instead grabbed him by the hips and pulled him onto his laps.

Gaara couldn't even try and get up, as an arm was now locking him in place. He had thought maybe his brother would keep on messing around with him, but when he never felt or heard anything coming he finally managed to calm down a little, the unease slightly going away. He worked the best he could this way, soon to occupied in reading to really care, still a little bit scared that someone might find them like this.

It was only late in the night that they were completely finished with the paperwork, Kankuro fully letting go of his waist he had been circling on and off all this time, depending on whether he needed both hands or not. It wasn't long before the redhead was standing, quickly putting away all the documents, thanking his brother for his help and then going out. He had nearly been running throughout all of this wanting to get back to his room as quickly as possible.

That kiss from earlier had come back to his mind and was still troubling him, emotions all messed up inside him. Months and months of work all thrown out the window by one incident. He truly didn't know what to do with himself, neither what to do with Kankuro. Why had he done that in the first place? If it was some kind of joke, he didn't found it really funny.

Once Gaara had calmed himself down a bit, he reached inside his pocket to look for his keys, only to realise they weren't there. He then frowned slightly, trying to think what he might have done with them. Had he left them had the office? Would he need to go back all the way back there? It wasn't really far, but he really didn't want to have to go back to the office.

"Is this what you are looking for?" said a voice coming from behind him, startling him out of his thoughts. He quickly turned around, only to see Kankuro holding what he had been looking for just in front of him. "Yes," he quickly replied, trying to snatch away the keys, only to miss them when he quickly pulled his hand away. If he kept on messing around Gaara was feeling like he would need to use his sand.

He then saw him put the keys in his pocket, a teasing smirk plastered on his face. "If you want them back, you will have to get them yourself" he suddenly suggested, "no cheating obviously" he added as his eyes strayed down to his legs where sand was accumulating itself. The Kazekage was ready to take on the challenge, quickly replying back he didn't need to "cheat" to get his keys back.

If anyone had been passing by, they would probably have thought they were both looking like children. They supposed it wasn't so bad that it was so late at night then. This sort of playing around did make Gaara forget yet again what had happened, feeling somewhere amused and annoyed at his brother teasing. He simply wanted to get back to his room to sulk over how bad of a brother he was and try again to repress even more his feeling.

After some time Kankuro seemed to decide he had enough of this harmless playing around, Gaara finding himself pinned against the wall next to his door. He was going to call out to his brother, only to feel yet again lips blocking his words, making him open slightly his mouths in surprise, letting Kankuro explore a little farther. Under the panic he tried using sand to push the man away, only to feel a hand gently grabbing his, the other on his cheek, a thumb slightly rubbing soothingly against it.

All this show of affection and reassurance made his resolve to reject him fully waver, starting to realise that this was no joking around. Kankuro was seriously kissing him. It's only dawned on him now that all the ambiguous teasing he had dismissed as clearly not flirting but rather joking around might have been exactly that. Kankuro had not somehow caught onto his deep secret and tried to see the truth for himself.

Kankuro was kissing him with passion and he was shamefully enjoying it.

He had been losing himself in the kiss when he was suddenly pulled back to reality by the sound of footsteps coming from farther in the hall. Only then did the brunet let go of him, having heard it too and not ready for this situation to be seen by anyone else.

They had just managed to give some space between them that they saw Temari rounding the corner, seemingly having just finished her mission, tired and ready to go take a shower. She then saw both of her brothers standing in front of Gaara's room, making her arch a brow with a small smile. "What are you two doing here so late at night?" she asked curiously.

“I just finished working on all the paperwork I had to do” he replied, hoping his blushing had all gone away by now. “Thanks to my help” added Kankuro with a smirk, “Otherwise you would still be there working on them”.

This seemed to please the kunoichi, seeing her brother going along so well. "I'm happy to see my little brothers are helping each other so much" she commented with a tired smile. "Still, you should go to sleep now, we have a meeting with the clan council later today" she pointed out. With this, she wished them a good night of sleep before passing by them to go to her own room farther down the hall.

Now that Temari was gone, Gaara left a sigh of relief escaped him, relaxing a little more now that he knew she had noticed nothing of what they had been doing earlier. He then turned towards his brother, wondering what would happen now that she was gone. He could see the dilated pupil and the burning desires in his eyes, yet the man didn't make another move on him. A soft smile was hanging on his lips, unmoving as if waiting for the Kazekage to make a choice.

Gaara would normally have asked him to go back to his own room. But he wanted another taste of what he had been aching for in the past three years. He always had been terrified of doing something wrong and raise suspicion in his brother mind. He had been paralysed by the thought of Kankuro hating him for these feeling, pushing him out of his life with disgust.

But now? Now he could see it was most likely the same thing for the brunet and he too was ready to go further if the redhead was giving him the signal.

Gaara unlocked his door when he was finally given back his keys, this time without even asking, shaky hands opening it. He had a slight moment of hesitation, if he wanted to back out of this and be as though nothing had ever happened, it was now, although he doubted his brother would force him to do anything if he were to change his mind. He closed his eyes to try and calm his nerve, finally settling on what he wanted to do.

He knew all his hard work of the past three years were gone when he invited him into his room. The smile on his brother lips and the more ardent fire in his eyes was enough to make it impossible for him to doubt his choice though.

He followed quickly after, locking the door behind them. His hand hesitated on the light switch only to go back to his side without flicking it on. He was anxious about all this and the darkness of the night was making it a bit less on his nerve. The faint light of the moon passing through the slightly parted curtain was enough to move around without too much problem.

He put away his Kazekage robes and his shoes, leaving him in the shirt and pants he usually wore under it. He made his way to the bed, trying to look around for Kankuro. He found him when gentle hands grabbed his hips to pull him closer, lip crashing in with passion on his. In the dark of the night, he was able to summon more confidence, also grabbing at him so they could be even closer. This is something he had been looking for in these past years and he was overjoyed to finally have it.

They had to break off their making out session when his shirt got in the way as Kankuro was trying to take it off of him. He was gently pushed backwards, until his knee hit the side of the bed, making him fall on it. Out of surprise, he grabbed his brother for support, only to make him fall over with him.

Kankuro was trying to not squish him in the mattress, laughing in the crook of his neck at the situation. “Don't laugh” Gaara whispered despite the fact he was also restraining his laughter. His laughter stopped when he felt lips kiss his neck, making him blush at the strange feeling it was giving him. He really liked them.

They quickly moved on the bed to be a bit more comfortable, the brunet tossing haphazardly his shirt to the ground, going back to leaning over his Kazekage. More kissing passionately came after, this time hands going over skin, exploring the unfamiliar territory. One pair was rather clumsy and inexperience, while the other knew more what to do to make the other excited.

Gaara felt at a lost, unsure what to do. He was trying to follow what felt nice on him, feeling more confident every time he would bring out any sound from his brother. He tried gently playing with a nipple, a bit surprised by the reaction he managed to get, only to play a bit more with it, feeling against his tight that it was a good thing.

Soon they were both hard, grinding against each other through layers of clothes that were starting to be uncomfortable, moan and groan swallowed in by each other's lips. Kankuro slowly made his way lower on his body, leaving a trail of kisses on his way, the redhead trying to see what the brunet was doing. His pants and underwear were painfully slowly being taken off, soon letting his erection free.

Gaara's breath hitch when he felt lips against it, trying to keep in the moans that were coming to him when Kankuro decided to tease him a bit more with his tongue and mouth. The puppeteer would only tease, bringing him to the edge but always stepping back before he could actually reach any form of release.

The Kazekage then tensed a bit when he felt something trying to tease lower, gently circle the ring of muscle. Kankuro finally climbed back up, kissing near his ear “Do you have something I could use?”.

At first, he didn't receive an answer, starting to wonder if he should stop to find something, after all, he wasn't going to hurt him just because he was getting too excited. Then he heard his brother mumble something, yet after asking for him the repeat he didn't say anything. The brunet got a bit anxious from the lack of answer, unsure if it was getting too much for the younger man. He then stretched a bit to light the bed lamp, turning back to see Gaara hiding under his forearm, a blush spreading to his neck.

"Can you repeat please?" he asked again softly, lowering himself to be closer to him. "The bottom drawer" he heard mumbled again, the blush getting redder. He didn't exactly understand what was making him this embarrassed, not pushing further as he doubted he would get anything. He moved to go and open the bottom drawer, ending up surprised by what he found. Lube and condom were hidden at the back of it, everything they needed.

He took them, coming back atop his brother who was still hiding from him, hands slightly shaking. He could understand where the embarrassment was coming from, he hadn't expected his brother to have both these items. It's made him wonder if he was more experienced than what he believed him to be.

"Gaara" he gently cooed at him, trying to move the arms away without forcing him, "I didn't know you were experienced" he added. He would like to be bothered by this fact if it was true, but it would be hypocritical for him to be, as he did have is fair share of experiences.

The redhead finally lowered his arm, yet not looking at him, still deeply red in the face. It took some hesitation before he finally explains why he had these items, "Naruto... gave me these as a joke one time to see how I would react". Talking about sex wasn't exactly something that would get him all flustered, but he wasn't one to bring it up either. Naruto apparently had caught on him being in love, despite his best attempt at hiding everything, and simply wanted to tease him a bit. It had ended up in him awkwardly explaining he could never be with the other person after lying about why.

Kankuro seemed a bit amused at the thought, then looked back at the lube bottle. “I see, I thought you would have thrown it away, not keeping it and even use it” he admitted. The bottle had clearly been used, some of it content missing, even the box of condom seemed to have been used. This was only adding to his thought that maybe Gaara wasn't as innocent as he thought he was.

"I didn't really... used them" he heard mumbled, "Not the way you think" he heard clarified when he looked back at him confused. "I-I tried... experimenting on myself" he finally received, the redhead still not looking at him.

The Kazekage wasn't sure if this idea would be a turnoff, seeing that he had absolutely no experience despite his age. He never really had the time nor the want to try with anyone before, so it was probably not much of a surprise for him to still be a virgin. He was obviously anxious about doing it for the first time, but he was also anxious that Kankuro would somehow be disappointed about this fact. It was probably more enjoyable having sex with someone who had some kind of experience.

Clearly sensing his anxiety, the brunet gently cupped his cheek to make him look at him, going to give him a more gentle and reassuring kiss this time. "I see, thank you for telling me," he said softly, "Then I will be more careful not to hurt you".

Hearing and seeing him not mind it reassured the young man, making him a bit less tense about all of this. To the puppeteer, it was good to know, as he didn't want to hurt him. He had already planned on being careful, but knowing it was his first time, he didn't want to scare him by not preparing him enough. "Just relax and follow what I say, it will be alright" he whispered near his ear, trailing back down again with the lube this time.

As he applied lube on his fingers, Kankuro looked back up at his brother who was looking down at him, probing himself up on his elbow. “Did you ever experience down here?” he asked with a small smile, his slicked finger going back to tease him. This made the younger man blush again, giving him his first answer, “How did it feel?”.

Gaara seemed to think about it, tensing a bit when the finger actually entered him, giving him a familiar feeling to what he had done himself. "A bit weird and uncomfortable" he admitted. The redhead had search a bit and relationship between man, as he had realised he might not lean the same way many did. Yet he still didn't understand what exactly was enjoyable by fingering yourself or even having someone entering you.

He heard his brother humming as he moved his finger around, always scanning his expression to make sure he wouldn't hurt him, reminding him to stay relax. At least as best as he could. His other hand would either stay on his hips, soothingly rubbing circles on his skin or gently stroke his erection to distract from the discomfort. "Maybe you simply didn't found the part that makes it feel good" he pointed out.

The Kazekage looked a bit confused at that, unsure what he was talking about. Suna could be a bit close-minded on this matter, so looking for information wasn't easy, even less when he had to make sure no one knew the leader of the village was looking for such information. He had read about the basics but was most likely missing important parts.

He was going to ask when suddenly Kankuro seemed to hit something that sent a spark in him. He saw the puppeteer grin at his sudden surprised expression and moan, playing a bit more with this area. Gaara used his hand to block his mouth, embarrassed by the sound he was making. So this is what he should have tried to massage when he first tried fingering himself? This is how good it could feel? Now he understood a bit more the appeal.

Kankuro kept on preparing him like this, adding a finger in when he seemed ready to take more, always careful not to hurt him when doing so. It was really satisfying to see his brother try to keep his moans in, bucking his hips a bit when he was only teasing around and not on the bundle of nerves that could give him more pleasure. It could nearly make him forget how painfully hard he was in his pants, which Gaara ended up noticing.

The brunet was surprised when he felt a hand catching his wrist, stopping as he thought he might have hurt him, looking up from where he was kissing him on his chest. “I don't want to be the only one feeling good” Gaara managed to get out, looking him in the eyes this time. It would be unfair being the only one feeling good like this.

Kankuro wanted to mention he really didn't mind, that he could do with this until he was ready enough. Yet, the determination to make him feel good too that he could see in his eyes made him stop. If this is what he desired to do, then he would indulge him. He took his hands away from him, quickly taking off the remaining of his clothes to make it easier.

They also change position, Kankuro now sitting crossed-leg on the bed, Gaara straddling him. "You can do whatever you want now" he whispered into his ear, going back to kissing his neck and preparing him for later. The redhead tried something he knew a bit more, tentatively stroking his brother's dick. It was something he had done to himself and knew he could make him feel good. The groan and moan he could get out of his brother, who wasn't even trying to keep them in, was enough to give him more confidence in his movements. It was still a bit clumsy, but he would get better eventually.

After some time it was starting to be too much for Gaara, moving his hips to follows his fingers. "Kankuro, I want... more," he said, a bit embarrassed a the idea of saying out loud like this. "What do you want?" he then heard, the finger stopping in their movement, "I won't know if you don't tell me" the brunet teased. He really likes seeing his brother like this, wanting more yet being embarrassed to ask him directly, clearly wanting to feel more pleasure with him.

“I want you inside me” he mumbled, only for Kankuro to arch a brow as if he hadn't heard, “I want you inside me” he then said louder, surprising the both of them by how loud it was. The brunet softly chuckled, kissing him as he lowered him back on the bed, reaching for a condom to put it on, making sure to add lube.

He was soon between the redhead's legs, spreading them apart a bit more, feeling them shaking slightly in his grip. He then leaned over Gaara, leaving a quick kiss on his lips. "If you are scared we can stop" he warned, his thumb gently rubbing circles on his tight. The Kazekage shook his head, wrapping his arms around his shoulder, hands also shaking a bit because of the nervousness.

“No, I want to” he quickly replied, “It's just... making me nervous” he admitted, which was understandable. Who wouldn't be a bit nervous when it was their first time? Kankuro remembered that he had been too, although he planned on making this experience a bit less painful than his. “I'll be careful, but if you want to stop you have to tell me”.

With this out of the way, he lined himself up, starting to put the tip of his erection inside of him. He could feel his tense around him, making him unable to go farther. He gently caressed him, kissing him everywhere while whispering instruction and encouraging words, going slowly further in when he could feel him relax. It took a little while before he was fully inside of his brother, Gaara breathing heavily under him, grabbing tightly at his arms.

"You are doing good" Kankuro whispered against his lips, "Tell me when you are ready for me to move". Gaara was tempted to let him go now so the puppeteer didn't have to wait any longer, but he felt like it wouldn't do good. Plus Kankuro would probably not like the idea of gaining pleasure when he was hurting. So he simply laid there, nodding as he tried to relax himself a bit more, getting used to feeling this full.

It was nowhere near what the fingers had felt earlier. Sure, they had prepared him as best as he could, but a dick would still stay bigger than fingers. Still, after some time he felt like he would be alright with him move, tentatively moving his hips against the brunet. He barely whispered it, still embarrassed to give an indication like this, but this time Kankuro didn't tease him, starting to move his own hips slowly.

The brunet was stroking the redhead erection, distracting him from the uncomfortable and slight pain he could still feel. It was feeling incredible to finally be inside of his brother, but he couldn't get to the rhythm he wanted. Not quite yet.

When Gaara started moving a bit more with his hips, chasing the quick sensation that would come when he was brushing his prostate, he started moving faster. He was on the right path has Gaara was yet again biting back his moans, kissing him to render then unspoken. He kept on going faster and harder, trying to find the best angle so he could hit the bundle of nerves that was giving him pleasure earlier.

He heard the man moaning a bit louder this time, making him smile in the kiss, trying to hit the same place again. He did that over and over again, enjoying how his brother was bucking his hips with him, barely able to contain his moan now. It was such a delightful view than to see him drowning in pleasure. He never thought he'd be able to see this.

He could feel himself on the edge, yet he didn't want to finish before Gaara, going faster and harder, his hands matching his movement. This was starting to be too much for the younger one, trying to warn him about it through his moans and gasps.

Then he felt the wall around his dick tighten as the body under him tremble in his release, nail digging slightly in his flesh. He was still moving his hips, the tighter sensation starting to be too much and then he came too, his hips coming to a stop deep inside him.

He then left himself fall next to his brother, pulling him closer as they were recovering from the afterglow, their erratic breathing slowly becoming more even. He went and gently kissed the side of his head, Gaara turning towards him with satisfied and tired eyes. They kiss again, this time more gentle and soft. “Was it good?” he asked, wanting to make sure his brother also liked it. He received a nod, “better than I thought it would be” whispered the redhead.

Then the fatigue of the day and their previous activity started to be a bit too much for the Kazekage, soon falling asleep after murmuring an "I love you". This made the puppeteer chuckle a bit, kissing his forehead as he slowly stood up to put away the used condom. He quickly washed them up, sleepiness weighing over him too, quickly joining his brother under the cover when he was done, hugging him close to him. "I love you too" he whispered, promising himself to tell him when he would wake up the next morning.

* * *

The next day, Gaara was woken up by the ray of sunlight hitting his face, making him close his eyes quickly when he first tried opening them. He looked around, trying to understand why his body was aching like this and why he was fully naked. Then the event of the night before came back to his mind, making him blush deeply.

He sat up, his lower back seemingly not enjoying the idea, looking around for Kankuro, a bit scared that he might have run away once he woke up. Yet, he could hear the soft sound of water running inside his bathroom, making him relax. He sighed in relief, looking down at his body, only to find trails of red kiss mark on his pale skin, making him blush a bit. He was pretty positive his neck might have gone through the same treatment with how often Kankuro had been there too.

He then noticed how rather clean he was, realising his brother had most likely washed him before going to sleep. This thought made him feel warm, happy to see how he was being taken care of by him.

He took a quick look at the time, seeing that they had only an hour before they needed to go to the clan meeting. This made him sigh again, thinking about how he would need to hide his neck as best as possible and act normally. Only now did reality decided to hit again: he just had sex with his brother and wasn't feeling any guilt about it and was on the contrary happy about it.

He knew no one could learn about it, not even Temari. In the "best" case scenario they would be banned from Suna and asked never to come back. He didn't even want to think about the worst outcomes. This really had to stay between them, no one would be ready to accept such love between blood brothers.

His rising anxiety was cut off when he felt a gentle hand brush against his cheek, making him look up at Kankuro. This immediately calmed him down, a smile drawing itself on his face at how happy the man seemed to be.

They could do it, it shouldn't be too hard.

He then gratefully accepted the morning kiss he was given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> virgin 2012-13: 1k, bad writing (especially in French), no detail, no pacing, weird change of subject.  
> Chad 2021: 5.5k, well written (I hope), more detail with situations explained, better pacing, smut
> 
> I hope the smut was okay, I haven't written any in literal years (the last times were for rp with a friend of mine). Although there may be too much emotion in it and not enough smut, but that what an ace would make I guess.
> 
> Also, for anyone confused (?) with the layout: At the time I had in mind that the Kazekage had his apartments in the same building as the Kazekage main office but on a higher level (or maybe a connected building). Pretty much the same for close family he might allow in. Can't figure out if it canon or not, am too tired at the moment to go check what it is exactly (or if they even show it at all).  
> Am seriously thinking of making multiple "little" addition to this story with maybe three different types of endings (just because angst is fun you know).


	3. Emptiness left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ending A, part 1]
> 
> Gaara call Kankuro over to talk about something, leaving the both of them with a broken heart.  
> Gaara has to cope with it, but end ups sucked in.

Kankuro was on his way to his brother's house, something the Kazekage had acquired to have more space for himself and be alone. Well, part of it was also so they could hide more easily their relationship, using the pretext of diners to stay until late at night or drinking too much to stay over. They had become close brothers to the eyes of many over the years, so it wasn't such a surprise to these people.

Yet, the puppeteer felt like this time something had been off about the way Gaara had invited him. He would normally be pretty excited, yet all he could feel was some apprehension as if he had been called over for something bad. But it couldn't be that, could it?

He entered directly when he arrived, calling out to the redhead to announce his arrival. He was joined by his brother pretty quickly, the man not looking so good. He frowned a bit, worried that something might be wrong. He went to give him a kiss on the forehead, the man looking nearly worst after he did so.

“is something wrong?” he finally asked, cupping his cheek with one hand, a thumb gently rubbing his skin. He saw and felt the redhead lean a bit more into the touch, only the move away from it after, looking away.

"We need to talk about something," he said seriously, only raising the anxiety level in his brother. He turned around before Kankuro could even add anything, his posture looking stiff and a bit shaky, "Let's take a seat" he simply suggested before disappearing into the kitchen.

The brunet followed him, trying to calm his nerve down. He wanted to put all this on a bad joke Gaara was making, but this wasn't something his brother would do. His attempt at joke wouldn't make him feel like his world was probably about to fall apart. He wasn't that good with emotion that he could fake the look in his eyes when he finally joined him.

In the kitchen Kankuro took a seat at the counter, letting the man make them some tea as if to leave them more time before what he wanted to talk about. He was given his tea with shaky hands, Gaara retracting before he could try to calm him down, standing on the other side while holding tightly on his own teacup.

“What did you want to talk about?” finally ask Kankuro, his voice less confident that he would have liked it to be, his smile visibly forced. Yet Gaara wouldn't look at him, his tea apparently rather interesting.

“We need to end this”.

He froze at the words, the teacup halfway to his lips, his eyes widening as he understood what he meant by that. “Wait, hold on, why so suddenly, did I do something wrong?” he asked, quickly putting the teacup down so he could stand up.

"You didn't do anything wrong" Gaara tried to reassure him, his hands starting to shake more, "We just... we can't keep on going on, we shouldn't have started it in the first place". His voice was shaky, breaking at the end. He loves his brother so much, he didn't regret doing anything with him, but he knew deep down this wasn't something they could keep on doing.

The puppeteer quickly made his way around the counter, trying to join his brother to comfort him and tell him everything would be okay, but he nearly tripped over when sand pinned his feet to the ground. He looked back up at Gaara, sand running across his skin as if he was looking for comfort in it, still not looking up, eyes starting to water.

“You know we can't keep going, we are going to be found out one day” the redhead pointed out, putting away his own teacup, as he was holding it too tightly. He couldn't bear the idea that if they were to be found out, Kankuro would also bear the consequences and he didn't even want to think about what the consequences would be.

"W-We just needs to be more careful," said Kankuro, feeling helpless as he couldn't join his brother, this situation not going the way he liked. "You know this isn't necessarily the problem" the Kazekage replied, looking up with pleading eyes for him not to make it harder than it had to be.

The brunet knew it wasn't necessarily the problem. They did nearly got found out in the past five years, always managing to slip away from suspicions. The problems came from the clan, even more now that Temari was married to Shikamaru. They wanted an heir from Suna and unless Temari were to divorce and remarry with someone from here, they were the ones who needed to do that. They couldn't just keep going like this without anyone wondering why exactly they were still not getting married.

And keeping this up if one of them was to get married would be even worst. Surely, this would end up being found out one day. Plus, neither of them would like to drag someone into a marriage with no love in it whatsoever.

Kankuro ended up closing his eyes, taking in a shaky breath as he understood there wasn't anything they could realistically do to make it work for decades to come. He then tried to force his feet out of the sand, something not impossible as his brother wasn't putting his all to keep him in place. "Is this really what you want to do?" he asked.

His heart tightens when he saw the teary eyes of his brother, the man frowning at his question, looking pained. "Of course not," he said, voice breaking. "But we don't-" he tried, tears starting to roll down his cheeks, his sentences staying unfinished, yet they both knew what he meant.

But we don't have a choice.

Kankuro managed to get to him, tightly hugging him in his arms, as if scared he'd run away. The Kazekage went to hide in the crook of his neck, trying to keep in his sobs despite not managing to do that, clinging to his brother as he did so. Kankuro couldn't help but start to cry too, his face paint getting smeared against the side of Gaara's head.

He went to gently kiss the side of his head, hearing Gaara weakly calling his name in warning. "Please, just... just this one last time" he pleads, keeping him more tightly in his arms, "Just today, I promise I won't ask more and I will do as told". He would go along with Gaara wish to go back to what they should have stayed at all this time. He knew it would never be the same, but they had to do it anyway.

Gaara indulged him in this last request, as he needed it too. He needed at least one last time with his brother, on last time where they could love each other the way they wanted to. One last time before they needed to play the good brothers who never stepped in such taboo territory.

And this is how Kankuro dragged them to the redhead bedroom, carefully taking off his clothes. After some time they had become more used to faster and rougher sex, something they both enjoyed rather well. Yet, this time, Kankuro made sure to go slowly, to drag the pleasure as much as possible, wanting to make love to him with his full affection. As if going slower wouldn't bring quicker the end of this relationship. Gaara accepted him more than once that night, falling asleep in arms that were protectively hugging him.

Then he woke up to an empty bed, the place next to him already cold from Kankuro leaving, a vague memory of one last kiss given to him when he was half awake. He couldn't help but cry silently in his now too-big bed, trying to hug himself with his arms and sand.

Despite what they had promised and agreed on, this ended up not being the last time they ever found each other. Old habits were hard to kill and the pull was sometimes too strong, managing to squeeze a quick moment where the would follow this need to feel the other.

Clearly, this couldn't go on and this lead to Kankuro putting a request letter on the Kazekage's desk. Gaara was at first a bit confused by what he had just brought him without a word, before slowly frowning. "What is this?" he asked, despite his eyes very clearly seeing what it was.

"A request to be promoted to the Anbu rank," Kankuro said, not daring to look him in the eyes. He could already feel his brother getting agitated and that his request was not something he had anticipated. He saw that Gaara was about to refuse, so he simply cut in before he could "We can't work this close forever" he pointed out, knowing it would be strange and out of character for Gaara to suddenly ask for someone else to work closely with him. "We will never stick to... our agreement," he said, looking for words that could be said here, "Getting promoted will have me working away more often but also give me the time to try and forget..." he added, trailing off without finishing his sentence, as he knew he would probably never be able to forget.

The Kazekage closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath as he took everything in. It was indeed a good plan to make it works, didn't meant he liked it. Having to send Kankuro on dangerous and possibly even deadly missions wasn't something he liked either. He would probably still be assigned as his bodyguard when travelling, which would leave them at least some time where they could meet.

It was probably better like this, it would also leave the redhead more space to push away these feelings. He knew despite that he would never give what the clan wanted, not interested in getting in a loveless relationship with a woman, but at least it wouldn't stop Kankuro from finding someone. He knew the man didn't really mind who his partner was, he had heard of his previous relationship.

"I see" he simply said, finally opening his eyes, trying to hide the shakiness of his hand under the desk, "Then you will be promoted to the Anbu rank". He would need to pass an aptitude test, but they both knew the man could easily pass it and would soon be able to take on a mission.

And this happened like planned, Kankuro now far away from him, leaving Gaara with a gaping hole in him.

He didn't manage to take this as well as he thought he would, unable to fill in the gap left behind, the aching for a body against his. He had once decided to sneak out at night, using a transformation technique to hide his identity, looking for a man that bear similarities with Kankuro. This was the start of his badly choose coping, finding some short relief in the sexual act. It was a rather tricky game, as he needed to hide his identity, but also because he tried not to get swiped in, only for this to happened.

What was trying to find someone once a month when the feeling of missing the brunet too much became a nearly weekly thing to do. At least he had found a couple of people he could go back to, rather than always search for someone.

Then he had to go to Konoha for an undetermined stay to help with some problems. It was good to have his close friend around this often, he was able to put this need to the back of his mind while Naruto was dragging him around when the day was off.

But at some point, the need was too much, Kankuro not even at his side this time, and he needed to find someone. It was a bit harder to do in Konoha, as people from the two villages bear differences in their features. Sure, it wasn't by much, but enough to make it he couldn't really find someone that could help him. He had to go out four nights before finding someone that might do.

This wasn't missed by the Hokage, wondering what his friend could be doing out in the middle of the night. On the last night, he decided to follow him, frowning in confusion when he saw him use a transformation technique. He wondered if the man maybe had a mission to do inside and forgot to ask him, yet when he saw what section of town he was going to he started to discard the idea rather quickly.

The idea that Gaara would try hooking up with someone wasn't something he was able to actually believe. Not that he believed his friend to be a pure child who never did anything, but it sounded so unlike him to try and find someone at random, or at least he believes it to be at random.

He then followed him around, using a jutsu too so he wouldn't be spotted too easily. It didn't take a long time before his friend found someone that seemed to fit his taste, following him under his umbrella as they went to find somewhere they could be alone.

The blond was going to stop his following around, not wanting to intrude either. Just knowing why his friend had been sneaking out at night was already a bit to take in, he didn't need to become a voyeur either. Yet he was stopped in his track when he heard his friend voice raising and a fight starts.

Gaara had indeed found someone that seemed right, following him. Yet, a pang of guilt decided to hit him, somehow wondering _what the fuck_ he was doing right now when away from home. It felt wrong to do this here when under his friend care. Not to help, the man didn't seem like he wanted to let him go, sending him in a panic. He was about to use his sand when a voice interrupted them.

The man was going to snap at whoever had joined, only to pale when he saw who exactly was there, quickly letting go of the man to run away. Naruto was seriously tempted to run after him, yet his friend still look shaken by what happened and making sure he was alright was his priority.

Gaara couldn't believe his friend had saved him, wondering what he could be doing out at night, especially when it was raining. Still, he remembered he was supposed to be a random citizen, polity thanking the blond for saving him.

"Cut the facade, I know it's you Gaara" Naruto then said, making his friend tense. The Kazekage seemed to hesitate, before finally lifting the jutsu, starting to hug himself a bit as the cold rain was starting to be too much and his sand couldn't be used to comfort him. The redhead didn't dare to look up at his friend, feeling ashamed of himself in a way. Truly he shouldn't be doing this here, even less when it was to fill something his brother had left behind.

“Gaara” Naruto called out more softly this time, getting closer to his friend, “Is everything alright? You have been looking a bit off since you got here” he admitted, “I don't mind if you want to find a one night stand” he pointed out, “But this seems so unlike you”.

This only made the man feel worst, knowing it wasn't something he would have ever done in the past. He tried opening his mouth to speak, only for nothing to come out, looking as though he was about to cry instead. This was something the blond wasn't used to and he wasn't sure how to help him either. He gently placed his hand on his back, trying to nudge him forward "Let go back to my house and get you in warm clothes, you can tell me if you want to tell me" he then suggested.

The redhead accepted, following him back to his home, not refusing the warm shower he was suggested either. Only when he was alone under the warm water did he left himself go, crying as he wasn't sure what he was doing anymore, too much going on inside of him. Yet, when he went to joined his friend, this time in warm and dry clothes, the blond didn't comment on that, only offering him warm tea.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked the Hokage as he looked at his friend silently sipping his tea. He thought it wouldn't happen when he finally heard him start “I... don't know what I am doing” finally admitted Gaara. The blond simply nodded, showing him he was listening. “I, umh... got with this person I talk to you about” he explained.

Naruto tried to remember, a memory of Gaara telling him the person he was in love with couldn't be with him because he was older, a man and had a rank too high like himself to really get with him. That and the redhead had been sure he would never reciprocate his feeling. He felt like he should be happy about hearing his friend had been able to get the man he loves, yet the situation of tonight made this joy die rather quickly, understanding something had happened.

"It didn't work out?" asked the blond, trying to help him a bit in his story. The Kazekage expression changed about, telling him it wasn't exactly that. "Not that it didn't work out... we just... couldn't keep going" he explained. The blond was a bit confused as to why they couldn't, but then he remembered what his friend had explained about Suna and the general non-existent acceptation of same gender relationships. Both being high ranked, Gaara the Kazekage even, and from different age was clearly not something that could be found out.

"It was just too risky so we had to stop," Gaara said, his voice wavering, the memory of the break up too fresh in his mind. Naruto didn't know what to say, feeling like there was so much he was missing from the context, yet all he could do now was try and help his friend.

"Were you looking for a replacement?" he asked, starting to understand what this wad most likely about. His friend looked away, nodding slightly to answer now. "one time... I tried filling the hole it has left behind" admitted the redhead, "it… kind of worked, but then I was left with the same emptiness so I tried again and again".

And this is where it had led him, feeling desperate to fill that hole when he was missing Kankuro too much, unable to put his emotion in any other way than imagine the person with him was his brother. He couldn't even say it was something he like, sometimes it was painful, not that pleasurable and these men didn't have the care his brother had. At the end of the day, he felt like this was simply going to hurt him more than anything else.

The blond nodded at this new information, feeling sad that this is how his close friend was feeling. "I suppose doing that isn't bad if this is what you want," he said, to clarified he didn't think of him badly for it, "But be careful please, I don't want to learn something bad happened to you because of a man like tonight," he asked, worried that something like this might happen again. "thank you for earlier" he heard whispered, making him smile a bit, "Well I couldn't stand on the side when my friend is in trouble".

Then the silence came back, Naruto drinking his tea as he waited to see if his friend wanted to talk more. He was just as fine with staying here without talking, knowing Gaara wasn't one to like being touch, he would wait for him asking. He knew the redhead was a bit more difficult to deal with when it came to rather emotional subjects, but he could work with it.

"I'm tired of doing this" the Kazekage suddenly admitted, looking as tired as what he said he was, "I-I don't want for it to become more of a need, and I don't want for him to worry about me if he learns about it". Kankuro would hate to know his brother felt like he needed to find someone to replace him, that he was doing things he might not want to be doing.

And it wasn't just Kankuro, Temari had caught onto it too, not on what exactly, but she saw something was off with him. Now that Kankuro wasn't always there, she would help him more, hence being more often with him. His mood had clearly been going down in the past month, yet she couldn't find what to do to make him feel better.

“Well, we could try and figure something out” slightly smiled Naruto, his friend finally looking up at him. “If this is something you do not enjoy, it would be better to stop doing it, I can help you find something else”. It would be better than sleep around with people he barely knew simply to fill a void that would come back in the morning.

The blond finally saw his friend gave him a small smile, looking reassured.

Reassured that his close friend didn't think anything bad of him after knowing. Reassured to have someone to help him out a bit. Reassured that there could maybe another way to deal with this.

The redhead relaxed a bit, nodding at his suggestion whispering a “let's do that”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lookame making some good old angst, yet again.


	4. Hayate noticed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ending A, part 2]
> 
> Gaara and Kankuro decided to end their relationship before it goes too far. Kankuro also ends up marrying a couple of years later.
> 
> Hayate, Kankuro's son, notices something about the way his uncle looks at his dad, but instead of being disturbed, he wants to know more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I ended up making multiple endings, this is the "angst but at least not too bad" one. theoretically part two of it, but the previous part isn't too needed to follow here (and I wanted to writ this one first).

Hayate was 10 when he noticed something.... strange about his uncle Gaara. He really loved his uncle, he was the second greatest man in his life, after his father obviously. Yet he could not stop himself from feeling like something wasn't like it should be.

They were at a diner the sand sibling had decided to do to catch up a bit, life not leaving them all the time they might want together. Everyone was listening to a story his father was recounting, something about a mission he did alone with success. Hayate had already heard it many times but was never tired of hearing about it none the least.

He wouldn't be able to tell what compelled him to look towards his uncle sitting at the end of the table alone, but he did when everyone else eyes were on Kankuro. And this is when he saw it in his eyes. This look he had caught very short glimpses of in the past.

The way he was looking at his father was different from the usual as if knowing no one was looking at him unlocked something. The way he was looking at Kankuro was different from how he was looking at anyone else.

It wasn't the usual fondness and love he has for Temari and Kankuro, something they both had towards him too after finally becoming a real family when the time managed to heal the injuries caused by a rough start. This was the same kind of eyes Hayate would receive, clearly being loved by his uncle, the man always here when he had problems he couldn't talk about with his parents.

It wasn't the same type of fondness and affection he had towards Naruto. The two men were clearly very close friends, a friendship he didn't seem to have with anyone else. It wasn't either the similar, but less deep, affection he had towards the other people he viewed as friends, like his uncle Shikamaru.

No, it was none of that, what he had seen in the man eyes when looking at people he loved. It's only when he glanced back to his parents that everything finally fell into place. The look in his eyes was the same his mother had for his father.

A love he had for no one else, something deeper than one of a brother or friend.

Hayate was confused by this discovery, unsure how someone could look at his brother with such love. He had to double-check he wasn't looking at his mother, yet it was really clear his uncle was looking at Kankuro. He felt like he had stumbled upon something he shouldn't know and feel outraged at it.

Yet he somehow couldn't. He couldn't hate his uncle for something he didn't understand yet, only sadden a bit by the sadness accompanying these eyes. He never liked seeing his uncle sad, which had been rare occasions when the man believed no one was looking.

But Hayate had to make sure, so in the following visit he had with his father he would observe more attentively his uncle, and surely, he found these loved filled eyes more than once, always towards his father. This was enough to fuel his curiosity in the matter.

One day, when Gaara was over for diner, he decided to ask. He waited for both his parents to be back in the kitchen, having the feeling this wasn’t something to ask in front of his parents. He went back to the living room, finding his uncle silently sipping his tea, somewhat lost in thoughts.

When he sat down next to him he saw the man slowly emerged out of this state, looking down at him with a small smile, most likely guessing he had a question, like he often did. Hayate seemed to hesitate, looking back towards the kitchen, before finally asking him "do you love dad?".

The man seemed a bit taken aback by the question, an amused look growing on his face with a little something he couldn't decipher. "Of course I do, he's my brother after all" he received. The child wasn't satisfied with this answer, feeling like his uncle was playing around words to seem as though he didn't understand what he meant.

He was going to ask again, only for his mother to interrupt him by saying everything would soon be ready. He knew when the man stood up he wouldn't get a better answer. This didn't kill his curiosity, only showing him it would be hard.

Later in the month, when his mother was away on a mission, he decided to ask his father. Kankuro was cleaning his puppets like he usually does, so he simply joined him while trying to clean his own small puppet.

"Dad, can siblings fall in love with each other the same way you and mom did?".

This made the puppeteer nearly choke on the tea he was drinking, clearly not expecting his son to break the peaceful silence for this kind of question. He managed to calm his coughing, looking back at Hayate, yet the young boy didn't seem like he would accept the dismissal of his question. And he wouldn't.

"Well... no, siblings can't get to love each other like this" he started, somewhat confirming what the young boy thought. "Why?" Then ask Hayate, scared his uncle might be doing something very bad.

Kankuro seemed like he wasn't sure how to explain why to a ten year old. He saw his dad look around a bit unsure, before starting again "you know, they are already important to each other, they cannot just start loving each other more than they already do, this is not something that should happen" he lied. He would probably need to touch that again later, but for now, it would do.

"Why did you suddenly ask?" He then asked carefully, looking at his son. Hayate was silent for a moment, as though he was still thinking about what he was just told, before finally saying "I heard other children talk about it" he simply said. He was scared that if he said he believed is uncle was in love with his dad, it would backfire against Gaara and make him sadder that he must already be.

"I see" smiled his dad, something strange flashing in his eyes. Later in years, when Hayate would think back to this instant, he would understand that this flash had been relief.

Then a couple of years went by, Hayate keeping his role of observer whenever he could. This only helped him notice more sign of how much Gaara was in love with Kankuro, despite trying to hide it and clearly forget about it. All the glances filled with a love he shouldn't have, all the little physical contact he would try but stop himself, sometimes indulging only for a short moment.

Seeing him like this made him wonder why he didn't try finding someone else. Then he remembered hearing about failed attempts at that. And he supposed it wasn't something easy to get over.

Then one day when he was 13, both his uncle and aunt were staying over, having been invited by his dad. He had noticed all the usual, yet something new decided to hit him that night.

He had gotten up in the middle of the night, needing to drink some water for his dried throat. On his way to the kitchen, he passed by one of the large opening giving on the inner garden of the house, coming back on his track when he realised someone was outside near a fire.

He found his father and uncle sitting near it, the moonlight helping him define better what he was seeing. The two men were sitting so close to one another, his father arm around his uncle's shoulder, leaning on one another. They were looking so... intimate, being this close to one another. He had first wanted to join them, but upon seeing this he decided to hide behind the wall.

He was too far to hear what they were talking about, but it seemed to makes them both happy. They seemed as though they were in their own bubble, completely cut from the rest of the world now that everyone was asleep and they were left alone.

He could see all the love in his uncle's eyes, minus the usual sadness accompanying it. It was as if this moment was enough to fill all the other moment where he couldn't be like this with his brother. But then he notices something else. Something that took him by surprise.

His father eyes were reflecting the same love, looking so pleased to have this one short moment with Gaara. He hadn't expected his father to also love his brother in such a way. Maybe it was because he had always put his attention on his uncle and not both of them?

He knew is dad loves his mother, it was showing pretty well even and he wouldn't doubt it. Yet, despite all this, the love he seemed to have for his brother look to come from somewhere deeper, fuel with years of yearning for something he couldn't have.

He observed them in this intimate moment, although they seemed to force themselves not to indulge fully in these feelings. How many time had these moments happened in the past? Painfully waiting for a short time where they could be like this? Short but oh so precious times, where they could indulge just a bit in what they both wanted, without crossing a defined line to keep everything perfectly balanced.

Hayate ended up retreating silently, not wanting to break that moment, sneaking to the kitchen with light footstep and making sure to not make any sound, going back to his room after one last peak to the brothers outside.

When the morning came, it was as if nothing had happened, everything back to its usual way. He would have believed it to be all a dream if it wasn't for the small glances and smile containing more than brotherly affection thrown towards each other when no one was looking, the moment of yesterday still not fully gone.

He felt like he should be disturbed by this discovery, yet seeing his uncle happy for once made it impossible.

Then three years went by with him always as observant, this time putting more attention on his dad. The light in his eyes when he would talk about his brother, something that seemed a bit much for a brother, yet would still look perfectly normal with how close they still seem to be as a family. Except he knew why. At some point it became unbearable to look at them act as though nothing was there, only hurting each other, especially his uncle.

This is why, when he went to live with his uncle for a month due to his parents going on a longer mission, did he decide to finally confront his uncle.

No playing around with words anymore, he wasn't a naive ten years old unable to argue back. Though he would need to find way to approach the subject without it being dismissed. He did put this a bit at the back of his mind, wanting to enjoy his time with his uncle, training with him to better his puppeteer skills, something that would be good as Gaara had trained many times with his father, rather used to such techniques.

He was supposed to train with his uncle, finishing preparing when he found some face paint in the man bathroom, surprising him a bit. The teenager didn't expect to find this here, wondering if it was something his dad had forgotten in one of their stay here.

A childish urge to try it suddenly came to him, wondering how he would look in it. He had always been interested in the patterns his father would paint on his face, having played around a bit too when he was younger. Yet, this time it came out better than what his younger self did.

He was rather proud of the dark purple around his eyes, one large dot at the corner of each eye. There was one nearly fully straight line crossing from one side of his face to the other, passing on his nose, similar to one of his dad older painting. He had finished it with a straight line from his lower lips to under his chin.

It could be better, but for a first try it wasn't bad, maybe he could ask his father for help when he was back. With this done he quickly went downstairs, running to the large inner garden where his uncle was using sand to move around things that would be in the way. They were only practising Taijutsu for now, but he didn't want to have to replace everything because they went overboard.

"Gaara, look what I found," he said excitedly. The man had turned towards him, wondering what had caused him to be suddenly this excited. Then the man seemed to freeze, nearly dropping the teacup he was holding.

This made Hayate pause, not expecting this reaction, only for the realisation to dawn on him: this face paint was similar to something his father had worn in the past. He had often been told he had many of his father's features, maybe the paint made him look even more like his father. This made him feel a bit bad, as he didn't think about it and how he might react.

Yet, his uncle still smiled, something hiding behind it. "This looks rather good on you" he commented, "for a moment I thought your father had come back younger" he joked a bit. "I really look like him?" he then asked curiously, receiving a positive hum. "If you want to create something more original I can help you if you want, I am rather used to this paint". Of course, he would be, he could easily see his uncle helping his dad with the paint.

Then his uncle sat the teacup on a table, placing his hands behind his back, the initial shock fully gone now. "lets start now that you are ready" he said with a smile.

Hayate moved to be on the opposite of him, stretching a bit "I want something if I win this time" he then asked, making the older man arch a brow, curious. "If I win I want you to honestly answer one of my questions" he then explained.

The Kazekage looked as though he was trying to see what he could be searching for him to put it as a reward. He seemed a bit unsure, but whatever thoughts he had was then pushed away as though it couldn't possibly be it. “I accept this condition" he then replied, not giving a counter for his win, he could think about it.

Hayate knew he would need to focus well, sure taijutsu was neither of their strong point, but Gaara still had more years of practice than him. The man always had his sand around him, Suna being one of his most advantageous battlegrounds, yet he couldn't neglect his taijutsu. It was the same for Hayate, it was all good when he was far from the opponent, but if he couldn't at least defend himself he would get killed one day.

And so the fight started his uncle clearly not always using his whole, which was admittedly a bit annoying. After some time though, he was getting visibly a bit tired, yet despite that, he still had the upper hand.

Noticing that if he wasn't doing something now he would lose, Hayate tried seeing what he could do. What came to his mind wasn't fair, but not every enemy would play fair, would they? He simply needed a distraction.

“Uncle, are you in love with father?”.

This did the work very well, making the older man waver in his defence and created an opening. He took advantage of it, attacking to make sure he couldn't counter him. He was going to make him fall to the ground, but most likely out of instinct, sand came to circle him and pull him away, some catching the Kazekage before he could hit the ground.

They stayed in this weird set up for a while, both slowly calming down from the fight. For a moment the teenager thought he might have gone too far, his uncle not reacting. Then he was put back down on the ground, the man finally getting himself up.

When he looked up, he found a determined-looking nephew, his stance screaming "I won". Clearly, he knew he couldn't run from it, looking away from Hayate with a glimpse of worries and fear in his eyes.

"Why are you asking such a silly question?" he asked, the young man feeling like his uncle knew he wouldn't just give up easily.

"Because I saw how you are looking at dad when you think no one is looking," he said, taking a step closer only to stop when this made the man tense up more. "Because I want to know why you decide to suffer on the side when dad gets to be happy with mom" he then continued, frowning a bit. "Because I am so confused about how you two can love each other like this despite everyone telling me this is wrong" he added with shaky hands. "Because over the years I saw how sad and lonely you seemed to be when looking at my parents, never getting better" his voice was starting to lower. "Because I don't understand how you can love me so much when I come from someone that took away from you".

This had been something he had thought about many times in recent months. He had heard of people in love with someone they stay friend with, only to despise the children coming from them. He had been scared that maybe the way his uncle was treating him was all a facade, yet he would always find back a loving uncle who would always be there if he needed it.

He had his answer when he saw what look the man was giving him. Even without words, he knew the man was loving him dearly. How could he have hated him? When he was also someone very dear to Kankuro. He might never have been on good term with his mother, but he could never have hated the little boy who had done nothing wrong.

He tried calming himself down, years of confusion, worries and looking around finally being laid down. If he didn't get the whole story, he wanted at least to be told if he was right or not. His uncle still seemed apprehensive about all of this, looking around a bit. Clearly, he could see how upset his nephew was and outside wasn't the greatest place to talk about it. He took in a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he tried to take back a more confident stance. "Let's... go inside to talk," he said.

And they did just that, going back inside where Gaara went to make some tea, the teenager sitting at the counter. The older man back was facing him, clearly tense. By looking more attentively he saw sand running over the other skin as if trying to be comforted a little bit, something he had seen him do in the past.

"Are you scared?" he asked, making his uncle tense a bit more, not answering. "If it can reassure you... I won't tell anyone" he promised, before adding "I don't hate you either" he clarified, feeling like he might be scared about that. He was relieved to seem him relax, it wasn't by much, but even a little bit was enough.

He waited for the tea to be ready and for the Kazekage to come to join him, leaving this time for the man to prepare himself. "What do you want to know?" he asked, looking into his tea rather than his nephew. "Are you in love with my dad?" he asked again, only receiving a nod as if the man couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. "Since when?".

The redhead seemed to hesitate, or maybe he was trying to calculate exactly how long? After a moment of silence he received his answer “Way before you were born, or for Kankuro to meet you mother” he replied. This was... a long time of love he was talking about. He tried creating a timeline, yet he couldn't remember when his parents said they meet when they were younger.

“Why didn't you try finding someone else, wouldn't it have been easier?” he asked, although he started to doubt it would have been. Had it been really that much easier for his dad? Had the puppeteer really had it easier now that he was with his Mother? He already knew the answer to this question from looking at him, but he would still like the believe it was the case at least for one of them.

“You know how Suna is, I managed to change laws, but I would still be unable to find someone while staying the Kazekage” he replied. Gaara would most likely never had been able to openly be in a relationship with another man, let alone marry him. “I did try a couple of times, always while hiding from the public eyes, but it simply never worked out and it always came back at the end of the day”.

Hayate simply nodded at this, looking down at his tea. He really must have been loving his father a lot for not being able to overcome these feeling over the years. He supposed his father love was just the same.

“Did you and dad... ever got, you know, in a relationship?” he asked, his uncle frowning a bit as some worries came back in his eyes, a bit confused as to why his nephew assumed Kankuro was the same. “I... I saw you both one time, acting rather intimate and looking at each other with love” he admitted, before quickly adding “But I never told anyone! And am sure no one else saw it!”.

He couldn't tell if this reassured him, but the man looked a bit less fearful. The man was gripping his teacup so tightly he was nearly scared it would break in his grip, not answering. His lack of reply was enough to tell Hayate the answer, yet he waited as the older man seemed to debate whether to tell him or not.

"We did" finally came a weak answer, the teenager nearly missing it. "But... it couldn't go on, it was too dangerous and we both knew it wasn't... right". 'but it must have felt so right to them', thought the young puppeteer, not interrupting him. "Stopping it was the right thing," he said as if trying to convince himself of these words, "but it doesn't overwrite feelings".

He suddenly saw the man close on himself, shoulder jumping a bit as if he was trying to keep in sobs. Hayate realised quickly they had struck a sensitive memory, otherwise, it wouldn't have brought him to tears. Gaara had never been the best with emotion, most likely a result of his childhood, never showing them really openly. For him to cry like this, it was rather destabilising for the young man. He was used to being comforted, not the other way around.

He got up, hesitantly going to his uncle side. He hesitated a bit before taking him in his arms, trying to calm him down by rubbing circles on his back. He was a little bit happy to feel arms hugging him back, at least his uncle wouldn't try to bottle it all up like he must have done in the past. "I love him so much" he heard whispered, feeling like this must have been something he had always wanted to say to someone. "But we can't... we just can't, so I have to act like a good brother" he kept going.

His ramblings and sob were something very unfamiliar to Hayate, yet he kept on listening. He could feel it was doing some good to the redhead, feeling, thoughts, guilt and many other emotions that had been caged in for so long, unable to tell anyone about it.

Hayate knew he shouldn't be alright with these confirmed hypotheses, that he should be disgusted, that he should convince his uncle to change. Yet all he could do was trying to comfort the man that had always taken care of him when he could, who had always suffered in silence on the side. He couldn't bring himself to change how he saw his father and uncle, still loving them both as much as before. Maybe he shouldn't, maybe he wouldn't feel the same if it had been others, but he simply knew he did still love them both.

Maybe Gaara would never be able to forget about these feeling, but at least now he had someone he could rely on.

He wasn't simply an observer anymore, Hayate had jumped into a well-kept secret and would instead help to keep it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being way longer than planned, but at this point, I gave up writing as little as I plan.


	5. Secret Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ending A, part 3]
> 
> Temari is helping her brother move out of his house for one which is father from the centre of the village.  
> She stumbles upon unsent letters, although she wishes she hadn't.

Temari was walking around her brother's house, memories coming back to her. Gaara had decided to move out to go to a house a bit more on the outskirt of the village, wanting to be left in peace. After thirty-five years of being the Kazekage, Gaara was leaving his seat to his nephew, Hayate. It had surprised many people, as the man wasn't anywhere near unable to be a good leader and was still in good health. He wasn't really old either, some Kage having been able to lead until older than he was now.

Yet, after thirty-five years of duty, the man was tired. His childhood had been rather hard, and when things finally started to be a bit better he was pushed towards Kazekage title, which he took and carried on until now. Dying once, winning a great war had also been rather hard events and at this point, he simply wanted some peace.

Neither Temari nor Kankuro tried to stop him, understanding his choice. He had made sure Hayate wanted and was ready to take on such a title, explaining how hard it could be and the hard choice he might need to make in the future. Only the clan head had sounded reluctant, but Gaara had made it rather clear he wasn't taking their opinion into consideration.

Hence why she was now helping him move out. She had been scared he might decide to move away completely, it was something she had nearly felt coming from him, wanting to move somewhere that would be less harsh on him. After learning about her brother preferences in men, she could understand why one would rather move away. Maybe Hayate would be able to move further what his uncle had tried doing in that regard.

She entered the office, the last room that really needed to be put into boxes. It shouldn't be too hard, as it was mostly scrolls and books that had accumulated over the years. Despite her brother telling her she could throw everything in boxes without caring about it being organised, only to make sure it was well stacked, Temari still tried to keep it well organised. Like this, it would easier on the redhead when he would need to put everything into new bookshelves.

It took a while, yet it was a relaxing thing to do, looking sometimes with curiosity what were the books Gaara had accumulated over the years. There were more novels than she would have expected, accompanied by many training scrolls and informative books on diverse subjects.

Temari thought she was finally done when a flatter box atop one of the bookshelves caught her attention. Had not she used the stool to made sure one last time she wasn't missing anything from the shelf she would have missed it. It was as if Gaara had tried to hid it.

She decided to pull it off, setting it on the desk. The wooden box was rather plain, somewhat faint desert flower engraved in its dark wood. It was in good condition as if it hadn't travelled around much, yet it must have been touched recently since there wasn't really a layer of dust on it.

Temari then opened it, surprised to be met with neat little stacks of letters, all well folded. From the colour of the paper, she understood some of these must have been from years ago. For how long had her brother collected these? From who were they for him to seemingly keep so many of them?

Her curiosity was peeked and despite knowing she shouldn't be doing this, she decided to take a look. The kunoichi fished out what she assumed to be the oldest one, her eyes widening a bit when she realised the oldest one dated from nearly twenty-five years ago. Had Gaara been in a secret relationship and they never knew of it? But why wouldn't he have told them? It wasn't like her ad Kankuro didn't know he had been with men in the past.

“ _September 15, 16XX_

_This feels so strange to write, but Naruto said it might help me with these feeling I have for you.”_

Temari had a small smile on her face, realising this was her brother's writing. How strange, had the Hokage suggested he write as though he was writing to his lover?

_"These past months have been so hard without you at my side all the time. I know I am the one who suggested we stop this relationship before it goes even farther, but the yearning is still as strong as it was that day."_

The smile on the woman lips slowly faded, realising this wasn't a happy story she was stumbling onto. Had her brother always stay alone because of a love he couldn't have? This didn't make sense. What could have been so bad for them to break off when they seemingly were this in love with one another.

_"I wish you weren't always away on missions, risking your life for orders I am giving to you. If only I could tell you again how I love you and feel your arm reassuring me that everything will be alright. Maybe if you were to do it one more time it would help to fill this gaping hole I have in my chest. Or maybe it would make it worst?_

_This feels so silly to write down, I doubt I'll do this again._

_With love, Gaara”_

So this other person was also a ninja? Somehow she wasn't exactly surprised, it wasn't like the redhead was having much time outside of his duty, of course, ninjas were the ones he was hanging around the most.

Despite knowing she shouldn't be snooping around in something as intimate as her brother's thought, she really wanted to know who this person who had broken her brother's heart was. He could most likely have fought more for their love.

She then scanned through the next ones quickly, trying to find hints of who it was, or even a name, always making sure not to mess up how the letters were placed. A weird feeling started to settle into her when the information she gathered sounded oh too familiar.

“ _I hope the mission to Amegakure isn't too rough, I know spying missions where you don't move a lot aren't your favourite. Also hoping for your arm injury is healing quickly”_

“ _I wish I could have joined you when you went eating hamburger steak with the other shinobi.”_

“ _I miss the morning where I could help with your face paint, you looked so relaxed when I was applying it on you. Purple truly fits you.”_

“ _Looking at you working and cleaning your puppets is relaxing and one of the only moment you seemed able to be around me without problems. Wish it would happen more often.”_

“ _Temari told me you found a nice lady when you were on a mission. I hope things turn out alright.”_

All of these were too familiar to Temari, her heart beating fast in her chest. There was no way this was what she thought it was. As careful as she was, she kept going quickly, until she found the name she didn't want to read in these letters.

_"Kankuro. I haven't written this name in so long outside of reports. When was the last time I said it aloud?"_

The kunoichi needed to put down the paper as to not crease it, her hand shaky as she took it to her mouth, shocked. It couldn't be possible, right? This must have been a mistake. This letter couldn't have been intended for his lover, it had slipped there by accident.

After taking a shaky breath, she placed all these old letters in there place, quickly going over the following one, looking for a specific year and month. She hesitated when she found a letter on the exact day she was looking for, before finally opening it.

“ _May 06, 16XX_

_The ceremony today was absolutely beautiful, so was the reception. I will have to apologise for not being able to stay until the end, a problem came up and I needed to go. But I know you won't be mad at me for it._

_You were really beautiful today, the happiness on your face made me believe that at least one of us managed to get a happy ending. I still wish I could have been the one at your side, but I know it is useless to fantasies about such things. It will never happen._

_Hope you didn't saw me crying between the ceremony and the reception, or that you didn't notice it either. I wouldn't want to ruin your big day because of feelings I can't throw away despite it all._

_I suppose now I will have to keep this shut inside even more. I won't have the right to ever tell you again that I lov-”_

Temari's eyes were starting to tear up, all of this starting to be too much. But it was also as if she could feel her brother's sadness in this letter. The handwriting that was getting shakier further you read, the stain of what she assumed might be tears, the way the message cuts off as though he couldn't finish it, how this letter wasn't as neatly folded as the others. Everything was screaming her brother's pain in this letter, written on a day he should have been filled with joy for Kankuro. He probably had been, somewhere mixed with this pain.

She kept going, reading fragments of her brother's life, reading through his wounded heart who couldn't forget this love he shouldn't have had. Reading about little detail he noticed of Kankuro. Reading about feeling like Kankuro's wife might not like him. Reading how, contrary to what he thought he might do, didn't hate Hayate. Reading about short but precious times he managed to share with Kankuro when they were alone. Reading how worried he was when he would hear a mission was going wrong. Reading how he had tried to forget with others but didn't manage to do it, ending up alone as it was easier that way.

Reading the love Gaara had for his brother.

She managed to reach the last letter, the most recent one, written not even two days ago.

“ _August 23, 16XX_

_Finally moving out soon, I wonder if going so far away from everyone is a good idea. The last decades have been hard and I need some alone and peaceful time. Not like being alone will be something new._

_I need to remember to invite you over for tea or diner more often, maybe I will have more time now to sit down and talk about everything and nothing. I really miss these days where we could just lay next to each other and talk for hours. I suppose I will only be able to sit down and do it, as it wouldn't be appropriate for you to lay down with me._

_Maybe staying farther away will finally help me? I knew these feelings are still there, but at least I don't feel like dying every time I think about you going away. I hope you also managed to get rid of them with your wife, I would be sad for her if I occupy too much place in your heart. Well, in any situation I will be sad, but at least one of your love won't be._

_Maybe I will permit myself to tell you I wish things could have been different? I am happy to have had you in my life as a brother, but things would have been easier if it hadn't been the case. I hope I don't make you cry like I did last time I accidentally brought these feeling up, you shouldn't be guilty of having a happy life when I'm the one who pushed you into it. When I'm the one who decided to stay where I am._

_Maybe in a next life we will be luckier and will meet again, but not as brother's this time. If it does happen, I hope to fall in love with you again, and for you to do too. Like this, we might be able to fulfil this love?_

_Or maybe I should stop asking myself so many questions, Temari should arrive soon so I won't have more time to do so anyway._

_There's something I want to tell you again, but since I won't be able to do so even in this new house, I suppose I can only write it here._

_I love you._

_With love, Gaara”_

Temari stared blankly at the page, trying to take in all that she had read in the past... she couldn't tell how long she had been sitting there. It was too much to take in, too much she had never know, yet also so much that was making sense now. This was all so wrong, and she was happy to read they had stopped this relationship when they could. Yet, somewhere in her, she was saddened by this situation, wondering if Gaara would have managed to be less lonely and sad if they did.

With trembling hands she put everything back in its place, carefully closing the box again.

She had stumbled onto secrets she shouldn't have stumbled on. She also wishes she hadn't.

Now she didn't know what to do with these secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be the last part for this ending, as I went over everything I felt was interesting to touch


End file.
